"I don’t need anyone, I’m happier on my own"
If you don’t change who you are you will find yourself dating the same kind of guy over and over again. If you don’t believe deep down that you deserve better you will not attract better. Not all men are assholes, just remember that you attract what you think, so when saying all men are assholes all you are going to see is assholes - everywhere.
Yes you’ve been hurt in the past but things are different now, you are different. If you’re ‘comfortable with being single’ you just need to sort through them. You are starting to understand what you’re looking for, so don’t settle for less. Search out the good in every guy you date but as soon as you see any kind of red flags send him your love and move on. He will not change and it’s not your job to try to change him.
Even bad dates represent progress because you’ve learnt more about yourself and what you want. Ask yourself after every date: “What is the lesson learned from that date or the time I spent with that guy?” You will get closer to what you want every time.
Each date (whether it’s the outcome you want or not) is always a stepping stone to success.
Change Your Story: Affirmations
Affirm to yourself that something is true
Step 1: Okay, so ask yourself these questions, don’t think too much about each one, just write down whatever pops into your head, try and write at least five statements for each question:
- What are some of the negative things the world says about men?
- What are some of the negative things you were raised to believe about men?
- What are some of the negative sayings your friends use about men?
- What are some of the negative things you believe about men now?
Example: Men are selfish, men are bad listeners, men don’t like to ask for directions, men are uncompassionate, all men are assholes.
Step 2: Now rewrite your list using the phrase "SOME men…"
Example: Some men are selfish, some men are bad listeners…
Our beliefs are conditioned by the people and events around us. We don’t realize that if we want to, we can change these beliefs, it takes some effort but it is possible.
Step 3: Now check this list again and use it to select qualities that you really don’t want in a partner, then write a new list of qualities you do want.
Example: I’m looking for a man who is selfless, I’m looking for a man who is a great listener…
Don't write things like – I’m looking for a man who is not selfish – use a positive phrase – I’m looking for a man who is selfless.
Step 4: Now write it in the present tense as if you already have it.
Example: I have a man who is selfless, I have a man who is a great listener…
Have fun with this - now it’s easy to create your beautiful, positive, shimmering affirmation –
Example: I have an amazing, caring man in my life who is a great listener and who is very compassionate.
Write this affirmation down on a post-it and stick it on your bathroom mirror, in your car, in your pocket - wherever you are likely to see it - and say it out loud, with passion whenever you see it.
Balance: Always look for the good in a man but know when to move on.